


A candle casting a faint glow...

by MrsMegadrive



Category: Last Podcast on The Left (Podcast) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Highgate vampire, LPN, M/M, Vampire Hunters, ghost bc - Freeform, last podcast on the left - Freeform, the band ghost - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:26:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22332610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsMegadrive/pseuds/MrsMegadrive
Summary: In which Marcus & Henry are rival vampire hunters and occult specialists, investigating the possibility of a real life vampire lurking between the crypts of The Highgate Cemetary.Aka Marcus the occult scientist vs Henry the aggressively theatrical Satanic preist, in their hunt for a VAMPYRE!LPOTL x The Highgate Vampire x Ghost (The Band, and only loosely!)
Relationships: Marcus Parks/Henry Zebrowski
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Before we get started, lets take a moment to acknowledge our sources for this chapter, and those to follow:
> 
> [Our main source for this fic is The Vampire Hunters of Highgate Cemetary LPOTL episode.](http://lpotl.libsyn.com/episode-388-the-vampire-hunters-of-highgate-cemetery)
> 
> [The inspiration for Henry's attire, and the church he is part of.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_74Ijj6EpY)
> 
> [A basic guide to Ghost, for those who aren't fans.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0AMpQ9uu_g)

Marcus sat nursing a beer, listening to the warbled and blown out jukebox in the corner struggle to fill the room with the sounds of Fleetwood Mac. Picking at the bottle’s label, he huffs out a breath, blowing his stringy mess of hair out of his face. His real work was to start tomorrow, but for now he was easing his body into this awkward new time zone, adjusting to his surroundings.

He’d been called by an industry friend, someone he’d gone to college with long, long ago. Something about women in the area becoming mysteriously ill. He rolled his eyes, despite himself as he remembered the early morning Skype call he’d had with his friend… talk of a possible…what? Cryptid? He loathed to use that word. Until he knew what he was dealing with, he’d have to make do with the term. 

Glancing at his watch, Marcus notices that it’s 1am. He’s not tired, still running on New York time apparently. He’d been here two days already. He felt strangely at home in England, despite having never visited before. The weather was comfortingly dreary this time of year, forcing him to rug up to keep the wind from coursing straight through him, chilling his bones. He signals to the bartender for another beer, picking at the pickled onion flavoured snacks sat in front of him. They smell disgusting, but holy hell, he has to buy a case of them before leaving the UK, he thinks to himself. There is an odd sense of camaraderie and community within these walls, he ponders. Men gathered around tables, brimming with an obscene amount of empty pint glasses, stacked in precarious towers. Every now and then there is a roar of laughter from the opposite side of the pub. It’s nice…being surrounded by happy faces, but still very much alone. The phone buzzing in his pocket brings him from his daze, noting that it was a message from Ben, his old college friend and main contact here in England. Details for their first trip to what Ben has been referring to as “The Site”. Ben’s almost superstitious caution surrounding this…what is it? Case? His caution amuses Marcus a great deal, the tall, gentle man has always been a little gullible and easily spooked. 

The smile on Marcus’ face all but melts off as he hears a loud and obnoxious voice make itself heard above the loud chatter and music of the pub. 

“If anyone is to defeat this TERROR Travis… it is I! Modern day Metatron and voice to our Dark Lord Lucifer Morningstar, Cardinal Henry Zebrowski!”

Marcus was almost certain that his eye roll was audible. Henry FUCKING Zebrowski. He should have known that his holy eminence would make an appearance. He laughs quietly to himself as he sees Henry look around, checking to see if anyone has noticed his arrival. The look of subtle annoyance sitting heavily on his face lets Marcus know that he’s less than thrilled by his reception. Henry makes his way to the bar, scooting into a small opening in the crowd. “One of your darkest ales please, kind sir!”

“All of this research, all of this physical preparation Travis! It’s going to take a man of the utmost bravery and tenacity Travis…” Henry’s long suffering assistant Travis nods obediently, waiting for Henry to find his way to the ending of the sentence he’s currently ranting. “A man tasked by Lucifer himself! Only the upper echelon of the church would even be considered for such a task Travis!”

As the bartender sets Henry’s drink down on the bench in front of him, Henry’s voice predictably rises. “A man…tasked with slaying… The VAMPYRE of Highgate Cemetery!” 

Marcus groans to himself. Of course. Of course this dip shit would be here too. What theatrical Satanic bullshit will he pull this time? Of course Marcus is a man of the occult…but he’s also a man of science. Deep down he hopes that there IS a vampire lurking amongst the crypts of Highgate Cemetery. Does he think that’s the case? God no. It’d be kinda fun, really. Usually these things are pretty easy to disprove. He supposes that he isn’t entirely shocked to see His Dark Eminence, Cardinal of Darkness, Henry fucking Zebrowski here, after all. 

He’d bumped into Henry a few other times, while working on other occult and paranormal projects. He is utterly maddening in Marcus’ opinion. He’s almost certain that Travis can’t stand him either and finds himself shooting the young man sympathetic glances every now and then. It’s not just Henry’s loud, verbose personality that rubs Marcus the wrong way. He has this…schtick? A gimmick? “Yes, that’s the word…” the brunette nods to himself, sipping his beer. This whole “Dark Cardinal, harbinger of death and spreader of the Satanic word” bullshit drives him nuts. He acts like he is a legitimate religious leader. As if anyone in a sane state would follow this man to the grocery store, let alone to the afterlife! 

“Cardinal Zebrowski” He mutters to himself, glancing over at the two men who have attracted a small crowd finally. Henry is wearing a black cassock cape with red trimmings, black leather gloves, with a blood red biretta perched atop his scruffy red hair completing the look. In the midst of working class British men who are clearly still hanging around from their quick after work drink, he looks utterly ridiculous. Travis is mercifully dressed in a much more subtle manner, adorning a black suit with a pointed collar and elegant black tails. Marcus noticed the last time he was forced to deal with Henry, that they both had a sigil, or insignia embroidered on their lapel. It looked like an inverted cross, but different. It almost looked like the letter “G”. It was most unusual, and he hadn’t managed to find anything about it in any of his varied resource books. Probably part of Zebrowski’s fake religious bullshit, no doubt. 

Downing the rest of his drink, Marcus weaves his way through the crowded room, heading towards the door when he hears that damn voice bellowing again. “MARCUS PARKS! ENEMY OF THE CHURCH AND MY OWN PERSONAL ADVERSARY!”

“Hello Henry.” Marcus winces. He can’t deal with this shit right now, he just wants to slink away to his hotel. “I assume i’ll be seeing you tomorrow?”

“AT HIGHGATE! Indeed my square shaped friend. You’re wasting your time, my dear boy, as it is I who will defeat…” Marcus mouths along, as Henry is predictable as always… “THE VAMPYRE OF HIGHGATE CEMETARY!”. The way that Henry pronounces the word makes Marcus smirk. “Vam-peer”. What a crock. 

“We’ll see Zebrowski. I’ll see you when i’m looking at you I guess.”

He pushes his way into the streets and starts the walk back to his hotel.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No plot advancement this chapter, sorry... I just love writing Henry.
> 
> [Our main source for this fic is The Vampire Hunters of Highgate Cemetary LPOTL episode.](http://lpotl.libsyn.com/episode-388-the-vampire-hunters-of-highgate-cemetery)
> 
> [The inspiration for Henry's attire, and the church he is part of.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_74Ijj6EpY)
> 
> [A basic guide to Ghost, for those who aren't fans.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0AMpQ9uu_g)

Marcus was perched precariously upon a rock wall, next to the main entrance gates. Highgate Cemetery was a beautiful, green landscape, old graves, crypts and monuments lined up in winding rows. The gangly brunette watched the way the light danced on the ground, softly shining though the canopy of trees he was sat beneath as he inhaled deeply from his vape.

“That’s gonna kill you one day Marcus.”

“Ben!” Marcus leaps to his feet and leans up to give Ben a tight hug. He hasn't seen him for many years, but the fond college memories come flooding back in an instant. Ben is a large man, that much is insanely obvious when you meet him. Marcus knows from experience that people often find Ben intimidating, but he is in fact a giant goof. “Zebrowski doesn't know that…” Marcus thinks to himself…wondering if Henry will think Ben is just hired help, a goon if you will. He hopes that they’ll be underestimated, and subsequently left alone. 

“What’s on the agenda today Parks? What are we doing?”

“I was hoping to do some ground work, have a proper look around… get a lay of the land. I’ve got the list of names you emailed to me, so I thought we could hit the pavement and go talk to a couple of these gals if they’re willing? But first i’d like to get a better idea of the geography and have a quick walk around.”

Ben nods, agreeably. “Sounds like a plan, boss.”

“I ain’t your boss Ben!” Marcus wheezes a laugh, caught by surprise.

“You know what I mean. I’m here to help YOU Marcus, you lead the way.”

Marcus slaps his knee comically. “Come on goon! We got a vampire to catch!” He chuckles as he sees Ben’s face blush, before he lets out a small giggle. The two men enter the gates, following a small path that leads through the property. 

***********************************

“Bike tracks…” Ben mumbles.

“Hmmm?”

“Dude…bike tracks. Trike tracks!”

Ben is right, there appear to be…three bike tracks, running parallel to each other, winding their way through the mud and grass. “What kind of grown ass person rides a trike?” As usual, Ben just shrugs as the two continue down the path, walking past old stone tombstones and mausoleums. 

Soon enough Marcus can hear that familiar, abrasive voice as he rounds a corner and heads down a tree lined walk way.

“Do you have any signal Travis?”

“I HAVE TO UPDATE THEM TRAVIS, IT’S OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE!”

“TRAVIS!”

Ben snorts out a quiet laugh, finding the sight in front of him to be a mighty strange start to his day.

Henry is peddling a glossy black trike around the walk way, one hand on the handle bars, one raised in the air. The closer Marcus and Ben get, the wider Marcus’ smile stretches. In his outstretched grip, Henry is holding his cell phone, waving it around in a desperate bid to get a signal, even if it’s just one bar.

“This isn’t the early 2000’s Zebrowski, you don’t have to walk around, pointing your phone to the Heavens looking for a signal. You either got it…or you don’t.”

“Marcus Parks everybody!” Henry sneers sarcastically, clapping to an imaginary audience. 

“You know this bumblebutt?” Ben whispers down to Marcus.

“Henry and I go a fair ways back, don’t we Zebrowski?” 

“I sincerely don’t have the time or mental energy to deal with your utter negativity Marcus, i’m trying to update my disciples.” Ben quirks an eyebrow at Marcus, trying to stifle another laugh.

“Oh Ben, you haven’t met Henry yet have you? Sorry, Cardinal. Cardinal Henry Zebrowski, modern Metatron and sock puppet to the dark dude downstairs. Bringer of death and terribly tailored nightgowns. Where’d you get that cloak Henry, Wish?”

“You know what Parks!?” Henry all but spins on the spot, grinding his trike tyres forcefully to turn around. “Fuck you. Travis is going to get you, and make it look like a bloody accident one day.”

Henry is now pacing back and forth down the walk way, phone raised above his head. He sighs audibly and tucks his phone in a pocket within his cassock. “Fucking Instagram stories are no good if I can’t get any GOD DAMN RECEPTION!” Marcus grins to himself as he sees the redhead grinding his teeth in annoyance.

“Satan almighty Henry! Don’t get yourself into a satanic panic!” 

No one misses the loud “HA!” that erupts from Travis, earning more teeth grinding from Henry. 

“What are you and your…? Is he your goon Marcus? You paying him to stand around and look intimidating? I thought more of you than that, Parks…your plans! What are your plans for the day? I wouldn’t want to interrupt your very serious science business. Skew your results. Tamper with one of your variables. You know.”

“Thought more of me? Did you hear that Ben?” Marcus looks to Ben, biting his lip to contain the laughter threatening to bubble up. “Henry thinks of me!”

“While he’s self flagellating, no doubt!” 

“While I- Shut up GOON!”

“Perhaps Your eminence…we should move to a more secluded area to begin our work?” Henry would be lost without Travis, Marcus notes.

“We are NOT done, Marcus Parks! The real work begins tomorrow night!”

“It’s a date, Henry.” Marcus winks playfully at Henry, earning a wince and audible groan of annoyance. Henry nods, slinking back to his trike and starting off down the path with Travis in tow. Henry flips Marcus and Ben the bird, jabbing it up and down for emphasis.

“By Belial, I can hear my fucking heart beat in my god damn ears!” They make their way down the vine covered path, heading towards the section of the site that Travis had scouted earlier. “He’s going to give me a fuckin’ stroke Travis. I loathe Marcus Parks, Travis. That man thinks he can reason his way out of everything! Fuckin’ Poindexter!”

Travis nods solemnly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Our main source for this fic is The Vampire Hunters of Highgate Cemetary LPOTL episode.](http://lpotl.libsyn.com/episode-388-the-vampire-hunters-of-highgate-cemetery)
> 
> [The inspiration for Henry's attire, and the church he is part of.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_74Ijj6EpY)
> 
> [A basic guide to Ghost, for those who aren't fans.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0AMpQ9uu_g)

Of course this is the night that the weather takes a sharp turn for the worse. Ben smiles to himself as he shrugs on his raincoat, preparing for a cold and wet night. The skies are suitably miserable and dark, the wind blowing harshly as it whips fallen leaves into a frenzy. “Of course” Ben thinks to himself as he peers out from the front porch of his flat. “The perfect night for a vampire hunt”.

As Ben pulls up at the front gate, he can see a faint glow deep within the central walk way of the cemetery. Large flood lights cast a painfully harsh white light over the weathered head stones caught within their reach, a stark contrast to the absolute black of the surrounding shadows. The rain has eased to a miserable drizzle, Ben purposely stepping in puddles as he approaches with a wide grin on his face. “How we doing here Peter Cushing?” Ben teases, his joke earning a small wheeze of laughter from Marcus as he is knelt down amongst his equipment. 

“I totally forgot that you’re a fucking horror movie encyclopaedia! That’s a uhhhh… fuck.” The way Marcus’ brow furrows in frustration only further improves Ben’s mood. “Fuck! Dracula! It’s a Dracula reference! 1956, I think?”

“I’ll give you half a point. 1958, my friend”.

“Dang! Hey, now that you’re here, do you want a quick run down of what all this gear is?”

“I’m just going to trust you to deal with the nerd stuff Marcus, I’m the hired goon remember?”

“Ahhh yes. My hired muscle.” 

“Well when you put it THAT way it sounds far too provocative” Ben laughs softly, shielding his eyes from the rain with a wet hand. Marcus just laughs and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. 

Ben watches as Marcus paces around, checking his equipment over and over, waving various instruments around. Occasionally one of the speakers attached to the equipment would emit a shrill squeal, or a loud, sharp blast of static. “So, what’s the plan uhhh…Buffy the Vampire Slayer?”

“You’re gonna keep this up huh?” Ben can hear the smile in Marcus’ voice, though his back is turned and his face buried in a laptop. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Simon Belmont.”

“Castlevania. Nice! The plan, oh goon of mine, is to sit under this flimsy excuse for shelter and hope that the equipment picks up something interesting. An audio file, maybe something on the thermal camera.”

The men sit quietly for well over 3 hours, huddled under a make shift pop-up shelter. Ben shifts gingerly on his cheap fold out chair, sighing loudly as the battery on his phone nears 5%. “Shoulda bought a battery pack with me. Anything interesting happening?”

Marcus stands and makes his way to the equipment table, adjusting dials and scrolling through data on his laptop. “Nothing I can see right now, but some of this stuff will have to be looked over later, like the audio. Sometimes things come up when you replay the audio that we can’t hear in person.”

“Well that’s terrifying.”

“Mmmmm” Marcus nods, sipping coffee from his thermos.

“Anything on the thermal?”

“Do vampires run hot or cold do you think? I mean- cold obviously. Duh.” Marcus corrects himself quickly, shaking his head as he brings up the live view of the infrared camera on his laptop screen.

“Do you think if a vampire had just fed and was all jacked up on toasty warm, fresh blood, that they’d look normal on the thermal? Or just like a really hot belly?” Ben is cautiously drinking his steaming hot coffee from a thermos Marcus had packed for him, prompting him to wonder what a belly full of warm blood would feel and look like.

“Well I dunno Ben, can’t say i’d thought about such a thing before.”

“What about boners…?”

“Boners, Ben?”

“Boners Marcus.”

“Just to be sure, we’re talking about…” Marcus pauses dramatically, holding a flashlight under his chin and mimicking Henry. “Vampyre boners!”

Both men turn quickly as they hear a quiet laughter behind them. Ben steps closer to Marcus, whispering quietly.

“What was that?!”

“How the fuck should I know Kissel!?”

“I thought YOU were the vampire hunter here!”

“I am not a vampire hunter Ben, you KNOW I don’t believe in that shit. Anyway, if you’re the goon, go see what that was…” There is an indignant, yet worried look plastered on Marcus’ face as the two men glare towards the shadows that loom beyond their flood lights.

“There will be no need for your goon to leave your side, Marcus Parks. It wasn’t my intention to startle you.” Henry’s right hand man steps into the light, looking unintentionally dramatic emerging from the darkness. 

“Travis Morningstar as I live and breathe! You almost scared the shit right outta me!” Marcus smiles and huffs out a relieved sigh, which instantly turns to fog in the cold air. “Does his unholy eminence know you’re cavorting with the enemy?”

“He’s the one that sent me. He says… and i’m paraphrasing here obviously ‘GET THOSE EGG HEADED MOTHER FUCKERS TO TURN THEIR INCANDESCENT PIECE OF SHIT LIGHTS OFF, AND QUIT MAKING THOSE FUCKING JARRING STATIC SQUEALING NOISES.’ I’m pretty sure that’s almost word for word.” Travis blushes slightly, surprisingly quiet and reserved for a member of the Satanic clergy. 

“He uhhh.. he says… he says you’re harshing his vibe.” Travis continues, flinching at his own words.

“Oh that’s, well… hmmm….what’s the word? Ben loudly whispers from the side of his mouth, as though he thinks that Travis can’t hear. 

“Embarrassing?” Marcus quips.

“For Henry. Yes. Embarrassing.”

Travis looks down at his shoes, toeing at the leaves around his feet awkwardly. “Yes, well Cardinal Zebrowski insists on perfect working conditions when conducting rituals of this sort so if you could keep it down, it’d sure make MY night a little easier.” Running a hand through his now damp hair, Travis looks at the other men with a look that Marcus can only interpret as pleading and exhaustion. 

“We were about to call it a night anyway, right Ben?” 

“Oh. Yes. Gotta see if we caught anything interesting with all this stuff.” Ben gestures to Marcus’ equipment, still having no idea what any of it is.   
  
“I appreciate it gentlemen.” Travis bows slightly, tipping his biretta at the men before turning on his heel and walking back into the darkness. 

“I don’t know how he tolerates Zebrowski, he seems so much more… normal?”

“Probably making good on a deal he made with the Devil.” Ben grins.

“Well, whatever the deal was, I think Travis got ripped off.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some references: 
> 
> [The inspiration for Henry's attire, and the church he is part of.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_74Ijj6EpY)
> 
> [A basic guide to Ghost, for those who aren't fans.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0AMpQ9uu_g)
> 
> [Spirit in the Sky by Norman Greenbaum. (This song has no business slapping this hard.)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zJ_07cnY5c)

When Travis returns to the small courtyard they had prepared as a work site, he is treated to something that significantly boosts his mood. Taking his phone from his pocket, the brunette slides behind a headstone and hits record, trying his hardest to suppress his laughter. It wouldn’t matter if he broke out into a fit of side splitting laughter though as Henry currently had headphones on, black and red to match his papal robes. 

The Cardinal was currently waltzing around, hands held as though he was holding a ghostly partner against him, leading with dramatic flair. Upon further viewing, Travis realises that Henry’s eyes are scrunched closed, lip bitten with passion as he twirls around the candle lit pavers, dancing to music only he can hear. Travis watches in wonder, astonished that Henry hasn’t blindly knocked over one of the MANY candles that softly light the area, or at least swooped a little too close to the flames. An image of Henry alight, flapping around like a fiery moth in his clerical robes flashes through Travis’ mind for a split moment, eliciting a snort of laughter before he pushes the thought aside. Glancing around, he spots Henry’s bag and notebooks on a near by gravestone. Slowly creeping towards Henry’s bag, Travis wonders how much trouble this will land him in. He thinks back to the church’s core beliefs, which as a member of the clergy, he knows word for word. 

_“Satan represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification”_ he recites to himself… thinking that yes, he was about to feel a great deal of emotional gratification. Once he spots his boss’ phone atop a grave stone he swipes it quickly, ducking behind a near by mausoleum. It takes him one attempt to unlock the phone, smirking as he punches in “666” on the screen. Predictable as always. What takes longer however, is the choice of which song he would play for Henry. He grins as he makes his choice, hitting play and watching carefully from his hiding spot as the music in Henry’s headphones changes unexpectedly. 

The cardinal stops so abruptly he almost loses his balance, lifting one earphone off of his head as if he might be hearing things. Frowning, Henry looks around, while Norman Greenbaum’s “Spirit in the Sky blasts in his ears. 

**“When I die and they lay me to rest**  
**Gonna go to the place that's the best**  
**When I lay me down to die**  
**Goin' up to the spirit in the sky**  
**Goin' up to the spirit in the sky**  
**That's where I'm gonna go when I die**  
**When I die and they lay me to rest**  
**Gonna go to the place that's the best”**

“BLASPHEMY!” Henry bellows, ripping his headphones off and throwing them across the court yard dramatically. “YOU THINK YOU CAN TEST MY FAITH?!” Even in the dim candle light Travis can see the strings of spit fly from Henry’s mouth as he yells in fury. His voice lowers, speaking almost in a snarl. “You can mock me all you like Vampyre. I am a man of The Church of Satan! I am a Cardinal, in line to be a great leader. I will usher in a new era under my reign, and you think that you can unhinge me with your mocking and taunting?”

Travis senses that he should probably do some damage control and almost regrets whipping his volatile boss into a frenzy. Almost. As he walks through the tombstones and graves he slyly drops Henry’s phone onto the pile of books next to the man’s bag, the gesture thankfully masked by the dim lighting and the over the top robes he is required to wear to rituals. 

“Praise be to Satan, Your Excellence… I have spoken with our adversaries. I believe they will not trouble us further tonight.”

Henry straightens his posture immediately, running a hand through his hair and collecting his mitre from the floor beside him. “I was seeking some clarity from His Eminence. You know how he often comes to me through music.”

“And? What did Our Dark Lord have to say? His advice?”

“Uh… nothing. I got nothing.”

“I just assumed from the yelling…?”

“You heard that then?”

“Sir, I believe that all of North London heard you.”

“My patience is being tested Travis. This fucking…” Henry’s voice drips with disgust. “Vampyre…” He pauses, to straighten his robes slightly, taking a moment to breathe. “This entity… has shown that it finds me to be a formidable combatant. This is going to require more preparation than we first anticipated. We have 2 more nights before the full moon is upon us, so I suggest we take this time to make a plan and gather more resources.”

“Yes, Your Unholiness.” Travis nods solemnly again, sighing to himself as he helps Henry to gather his belongings and put out the many, many candles with an ornate candle snuffer engraved with the church’s sigil. He can’t help but hum and sing quietly to himself as he carries equipment back to their rental car, overloaded with boxes and bags slung over his arms while Henry walks ahead unburdened. **“Never been a sinner I never sinned I got a friend in Jesus…”**


End file.
